Stubborn Hearts
by peacelovespring
Summary: Captain Swan AU. Emma and Killian have just gone through a killer break-up and are trying to navigate a post-relationship friendship. Their friends are sure that no one can be friends with their ex, but Emma and Killian are determined to remain friends. Angsty, unresolved feelings, and such. Rated T, because I'm cautious.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Look, a new story! Reviews or comments always welcome :) Enjoy! - M**

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This town was too freaking small. Emma also had an unfortunate skill of being able to spot him in just about any situation. She wondered if she could make it over to the counter to get her coffee before he saw her. Or maybe she should just turn around and make do with the station's coffeemaker. It wasn't so bad was it? But no, her hesitation at the doorway meant he had seen her too. And now he was waving her over. Good Lord, she couldn't catch a break.

"Killian, hi."

"Emma, hello." He smiled as if he was mocking her. She reigned in the urge to roll her eyes. She would be pleasant in these situations if it killed her.

"How are you?" She hoped he couldn't hear the bite behind her words.

"Oh, I'm grand. I'm really, really well. How are you?"

"Good. Just heading to work. Wanted to say hi."

"Well, hello." Geez, this conversations was so stilted. She could try harder, probably, but would that really be better? Probably not.

"Well. It was good to see you but I should head to work." She slowly backed away from the table, hoping to make a break for it over to Ruby, who would hopefully be standing by with her coffee ready to go.

"Good to see you too. Bye, Emma." He nodded, smiling again and Emma quickly turned around. Ruby was standing behind the counter, shaking her head but blessedly holding a to go cup in her hand.

"That was _weird_ ," she whispered as Emma took her coffee from her.

Emma couldn't really disagree but she also didn't want to discuss it right then, with Killian no doubt looking on, so she just shook her head and walked out the door.

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The door shut behind Emma and Killian sagged in his seat. That small encounter with her had been hard. They had only broken up yesterday and he really hadn't expected to see her only twelve hours later. He should have known better than to come to Granny's at this time though; she stopped by everyday for coffee and he _knew_ that but apparently his sleep deprived mind had forgotten. But the reality of actually seeing her this morning triggered something for him.

They would probably always be running into one another. Storybrooke wasn't that big and their friends and acquaintances overlapped in too many places. Was it always going to be this hard, this awkward? The actual breakup had been brutal but Killian didn't like facing the prospect of never again having a pleasant, simple conversation with Emma.

Before he could change his mind, he jumped out of his seat and ran outside. She had only made it to the entrance of Granny's courtyard when he called out, "Swan, wait."

She whirled around, obviously surprised he had followed her out here. There was an awkward pause before he realized she waiting for him to speak.

"Look, Emma, I just…" Now that he had her attention, he wasn't sure if this was the best idea. He scratched behind his ear, and decided to keep going. "That was extremely awkward in there and this is awkward. This town is so small, and its hard for me to imagine that we will be able to avoid crossing paths with each other. There are only so many places to get decent coffee here after all. I just think there is a better way to deal with our inevitable run-ins than that sham of a conversation we just had inside."

Emma couldn't really see where he was going with this. "So, do you have an idea for how to deal with our encounters?"

"I think we should be friends. We were friends for a long time before we started dating and I think we can handle going back to just friends."

"Just friends? Killian, we _just_ broke up. Last night, in fact. How do you see that working?"

"I know it will be a challenge and maybe we need to agree on some ground rules, but, we just have so many friends in common and I think it would be unfair to ask them to pick a side. How many dinner invites or karaoke nights do you want to miss because you feel like you can't go because I'm going to be there? I'm just proposing we keep things amicable and friendly."

"Killian, I don't know…"

He cut her off, "Look, you probably want to think about that, and that's fine. This is my offer, and you can decide what happens next. If the next time we run into each other, you don't say hi, I'll know to keep my distance. Does that sound fair, Swan?"

Emma wasn't sure how to respond so she just nodded. It wasn't a crazy idea, but she wasn't sure if she was cut out to be friends with her ex, but then again, she had never really tried.

Killian nodded back at her and headed back inside Granny's. Emma saw Ruby standing in front of the window, a bewildered expression on her face. Emma felt the same way, but she pulled out her phone and sent Ruby a text.

 _I'll explain later. Girls night? Will you tell Mary Margaret?_

 _Sure, but I want ALL THE DETAILS._

Emma smiled at Ruby's enthusiasm and headed off to the station, thinking about Killian's offer.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Completely forgot about this during the madness of Project for Awesome yesterday, oops! I may post another chapter later today to make up for it :)**

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Emma walked up the stairs to Mary Margaret's loft. She felt a little apprehensive about the evening in front of her and all the explanations that would come. Ruby and Mary Margaret were her best friends and they gave good advice. Ruby was a fan of direct communication and, occasionally, confrontation, while Mary Margaret always tried to make sure everyone walked away happy. It was so different from Emma's own strategy of never dealing with anything ever that it was usually helpful. They were each formidable in their own way, though, and if they got riled up it was best to just stay out of their path. Emma didn't even want to see what would happen if they were on the same war path.

She knocked on the door and then walked in, being way past the formality of needing permission to enter. Besides Emma had lived here too, once upon a time. But then Mary Margaret had met David, and Emma met Killian, so it made sense to split up their belongings and for Emma to move out. Mary Margaret's loft was still the ideal location for a good night in, not even counting that she had the best wine glasses.

Mary Margaret and Ruby were floating around the kitchen, working on making what looked like tacos and margaritas for dinner. Ruby was in the middle of recounting her day at work, which from the sounds of it involved Pongo invading the kitchen. Emma hung her coat up on the hooks near the door and smiled at her friends as she joined them and started making the guac. She had planned to share all of her drama involving Killian but in that moment she decided to just bask in the company of her friends. Killian had consumed so much of her energy and thoughts lately; it was fine if she waited to share just a bit longer.

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Emma was so tired. They had been fighting for days now and while the shouting matches had subsided, they were now thoroughly into the purposely-ignoring-one-another stage. Honestly, she kinda preferred the shouting matches if only because there was a definitive beginning and ending to them. Ignoring Killian took a lot of energy. She had to think constantly about her body gestures and facial expressions and how he might interpret them. Then she had to interpret his body gestures and facial expressions. It was a constant mind game and one she hadn't been prepared for, to be honest.

They had been drifting apart for a while now but she was truly shocked to see him with that woman, Milah. Milah had known Killian for a long time, longer even than Emma, but they weren't really friends. Killian had been closer with Milah once upon a time but there had been some sort of drama between Milah's family and Killian, and Emma had thought they were just casual acquaintances now. Apparently Emma had been wrong.

And so maybe, she did run to Neal, and yeah, that wasn't the most mature response to Killian's betrayal but she was only human. That didn't give him any right to be mad at her. He deserved her anger and she deserved an apology. But he didn't see it that way and so they were in this awkward position, still together but not speaking. Emma was at the point where it only felt like a matter of time before one of them cracked and called their relationship (or what was left of it) off. Emma was at the point where she was ready for it to be her to end things.

They were supposed to be going together to dinner at Granny's in celebration of David's birthday, and Killian should have come by to pick her up by now. She was already dreading this evening, where she would have to put on fake smiles and generally fake happiness, when she felt almost anything but. She was so incredibly pissed at Killian because he had cheated on her and she was so incredibly sad at Killian because he had cheated on her. She just didn't understand how he could do that to her.

And he wasn't even here yet. Emma's anxiety for the evening was only increasing for every additional minute that he wasn't here. She looked at the clock confirming that Killian was more than ten minutes late now and she felt her anger snap. She grabbed her coat from where it was waiting on a nearby chair and stomped outside. She slammed the door behind her and was halfway across the porch before she realized Killian was sitting on the steps.

He turned around at the clatter she had made by slamming around and she slid to a stop when his gaze reached her face. She blushed faintly at her antics but the anger in her stomach was still simmering.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" Emma tugged on her jacket and pulled her hair free of the collar.

Killian sighed and turned back around to continue staring out across the street. Emma knew he wasn't ignoring her question but her frustration with him hadn't abated yet. She jammed her hands in her pockets and Killian scooted over on the step to make room for her. Emma wasn't sure if he meant to give her room to walk past, but she chose to sit down beside him instead. It was obvious he had something on his mind.

Emma no longer cared about being on time to David's birthday dinner or even going at all, but her anxiety continued to rise. She had a feeling Killian wanted to talk about more than just the weather.

"Swan…"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Two posts, one day! It must be the season of giving! Or the season of forgetfulness. However you want to look at it :) Happy weekend everyone - M**

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Their girls night started with margaritas but they soon ran out of mix and moved on to their usual staple of wine. Ruby and Mary Margaret seemed to know intuitively that Emma wasn't ready to talk about Killian yet and she appreciated that. Instead they talked about everything that didn't concern the men in their lives.

Mary Margaret was teaching a new unit on animals and her class was struggling to keep up with the intense anatomy vocabulary that came with it. Emma was working on a project with the mayor's office that involved so many zoning codes she was having trouble sleeping because the numbers kept floating behind her eyes when she closed them. Ruby worked at the diner as an addition to the income she earned through her wooden crafts and she was swamped with orders as the holidays were drawing nearer.

They traded stories in the light and easy manner that only happens among close friends until David came back from wherever he had been hiding out for the evening. He insisted they should stay but neither Emma or Ruby wanted to intrude much longer on Mary Margaret and David's space. They collected their coats and walked out together, waving goodbyes over their shoulders. Living in a pint-sized town where everything was in walking distance meant there was never a need for a designated driver. December in Maine always had a bite in the air and Emma could swear snow was on the way. Ruby told her goodnight when they reached Granny's and Emma finished the last block to her house on her own.

It was a beautiful house, one that Killian had picked out. It was nondescript sea gray with a classic wrap around porch and peaked roofs that was a "promise of their future together". It wasn't like Storybrooke had a booming housing market, but it was perfect for them anyway. Until now, when there wasn't a "them" anymore.

Emma turned onto her lane but stopped cold when the house came into view. It was late and snow clouds were gathering and she should really just go inside, but the thought of crossing those same steps, just one night later, made her run the other direction. She didn't stop until she reached the station; at least they had a couch.

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"Swan…" Killian was gathering his thoughts and Emma dreaded hearing what he would say next. So she leapt ahead.

"Killian, this isn't working."

"Isn't working?" Emma thought there was a faint note of surprise in his voice but it didn't match his facial expression so she ignored it.

"This, our relationship. I think there are some bridges of trust that were burned and I don't think we can come back from that."

Killian was thoughtful as he searched her face, but his gaze was too heavy and she turned away to look forward. He sighed and said, "So we're done, Swan?"

The pit in Emma's stomach grew at his defeated tone. She had thought that he would fight for her, at least make one last argument for why she was mistaken. But it seemed he knew their relationship wasn't meant to last too. "We're done," she confirmed trying to sound confident when she felt anything but. "I think it's probably for the best. They're expecting me at Granny's so I need to go. Do I need to stay somewhere else tonight?"

"No, that's not necessary, Swan. I'll be gone by the time you get back." She nodded to let him know she heard him, then pushed off the steps and headed to Granny's. It didn't matter that the last thing she wanted to do was go celebrate with her friends. She needed to get away from Killian, before she changed her mind. She didn't look back.

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Emma woke up in her office to a bang on her door. She cracked open one eye to see David leaning against the frame and she groaned, turning over on the small couch away from him. He satisfied smirk was reminding her of someone else and she didn't want to see it. Even barely awake, Emma hadn't forgotten that her and Killian had broken up.

David's laugh brought her out of her pity party and she forced herself to sit up. She may have gotten caught sleeping at the station, but she would hang on to what dignity she had left, which did not leave room for hangover symptoms.

"Was there something you needed, David?" She had been going for her usual, no-nonsense tone that usually sent people scurrying, but it came out as just a mild whisper.

David laughed harder this time. "I thought about letting you sleep, but I decided against it when I considered how much more fun I would have waking you up. Was there a late night burglary you had to take care of? Some last minute filing? A not to be missed drugs bust?" His fiendish smile grew bigger with each suggestion and Emma considered knocking him out. Even hungover, especially hungover, she was not to be messed with.

"Shut it, David. Did you bring coffee?"

"I went and got some while you were working on your best corpse impression. I even got you a donut, because if we're going to be a cliche, we might as well go all out."

Emma tried for a smile, recognizing that David was moving on from mocking her. She had meant to be up and out of the station before David could find her here, but she had forgotten that he was coming in early today.

She sighed and got up, stretching as she went. She didn't want to dwell on how grateful she was to not wake up to an empty bed again this morning, even if she was still waking up alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Killian woke up to the slant of wooden beams overhead and a pounding in his head he was beginning to regret. He had tried to use rum to lull himself to sleep the night before, and it looked like it worked. This little cabin in the woods had been the only place he could think of coming to where Emma probably wouldn't find him. His ship was too familiar to her, and he needed his space.

He hadn't been surprised when she said their relationship wasn't working because he thought that too. But he was surprised when she didn't let him start the conversation. Emma wasn't a coward exactly but he hadn't thought she would be wiling to be the one to break things off. He knew she preferred to run away from things rather than dealing with them head on, so maybe he should count himself lucky that he had actually gotten a Talk at all.

He sat up on the dingy couch and groaned. He felt awful, now physically as well as mentally. He wasn't sure if having a broken heart was a medical ailment in this realm but he was sure that's what was ailing him. The hangover was just a cherry on top at this point.

Killian surged to his feet, regretting it a bit when his vision went black. This spectacle with Emma had been going on for more than a week now and he needed to stop pitying himself. His vision faded back and he crossed the small room to get himself a glass of water. He checked the angle of the sun out the window and decided he needed a day on the sea. It was too late in the season for him to get any real fishing done today, but he could check on the few lobster traps he still had out in the cove.

He made his way to the docks and climbed aboard his _Jolly Roger_. His beloved ship wasn't equipped for the lobstering life however, so he was only on board for a change of clothes. At the last moment he decided to swipe some food for lunch from the galley, before moving down the dock and climbing aboard his lobstering boat.

Killian's day on the water was the restorative he had needed. His problems didn't float away, but he did finally feel like he was in the head space to face them head on. His cages had yielded almost no lobsters of significance, as he had suspected, but he did manage to find one lobster of adequate size to bring home.

The sun was sinking behind the horizon and Killian was securing a line from his boat to the dock when he heard his name. His heart leapt for half a second before he realized that it was a male voice. Killian turned to see David coming down the dock toward him. Killian raised an eyebrow, wondering what David could be doing at the docks at this time of day.

Dave neared the gangplank and mock saluted Killian. "Captain! Permission to come aboard!"

Killian grinned, "Dave, what an impressive display of manners! Who knew you had any idea what those were?" He waved him on board and set about sorting good nets from those that needed repairs.

"Hardy har, pirate. I think we both know I am the better gentleman between the two of us."

"But Robin beats us both, right?"

David grinned at the familiar joke between them. "Of course! He would be dismayed to know we ever debated his honorable status."

They both cracked up, enjoying the easy banter between them. Killian wondered what David was doing here. He asked him as much, and David's face became a bit sheepish. It was obvious he was hoped to avoid whatever he came to talk about.

David sighed, "I came to see how you were doing. We all know about the breakup and I didn't want you think we were hovering so I waited a few days. But we're worried about you and it was decided that I would check in with you."

"Ah, so that would mean someone else is talking to Emma?" he realized. He tried to remain nonchalant as he said it but he could feel his body becoming closed off anyway.

"Yes, Mary Margaret is supposed to be talking to Emma now, but I suspect Ruby has invited herself along too."

Killian smirked half-heartedly in recognition of Ruby's meddlesome antics but he was trying too hard to not ask David how Emma was feeling. He struggled to think of some response but luckily David was also eager to get this conversation over with.

"So…how are you? We haven't seen you around in three days, which we all understand of course, but we're worried about you and we don't want you to avoid us too."

Killian stiffened a bit at that. "I'm not avoiding anyone."

David didn't sound convinced. "Well, we're sure you don't mean to but, like I said, we understand."

"Who exactly is this mysterious 'we' anyway?"

"Just me and Mary Margaret. Ruby, Granny, Leroy. Robin and Regina, of course. Henry was asking about you, too." David finished faintly, as if he wasn't sure to add Henry to the list of people Killian was supposedly ignoring.

His frustration growing, Killian huffed. "I'm not avoiding anyway," he repeated. David opened his mouth to disagree but KIllian cut him off. "I'm not, truly. But I am keeping my distance while Emma decides whether or not to accept my proposal."

"Your proposal?" David squeaked out, his alarmed tone on the verge of panic.

Killian's heart squeezed as he realized how David had interpreted his words. "Not that kind of proposal, obviously." Not anymore, he added silently. "The morning after we broke up, we ran into each other at Granny's. She was of course getting her coffee and I had forgotten she would be coming in. We said hello, but it was really, really awkward and painful and I just didn't want our lives to be reduced to a future of those kinds of interactions."

"So I _proposed_ " Killian lingered on the word with obvious sarcasm, "that we be friends. We were friends once before, why couldn't we be friends again?"

"Because that's impossible?" David answered. "Because being friends with your ex, especially such an immediate ex is doomed to fail?"

"Emma and I were friends for a long time before we started dating. We only were able to date so long because we _were_ friends. It's not going to be hard for us."

"I have no doubts that you two can be friends. I just think it will become impossible for you two to stay _just_ friends. You can't just decide not to have feelings for someone anymore with enough force of will. There has to be some time to let those feelings disappear."

"But Emma and I had been growing apart as a couple for a while before the blow up. We weren't cut out to be in a romantic relationship but our friendship never had any problems."

"That's not exactly how I remember it going but I'm going to choose not to focus on that right now. You said you were waiting for Emma to accept this absurd offer of friendship?"

"I thought it would be best if she had some time to think it over, being friends again. So I told her that the ball was in her court and I would take my cue from her how things were going to be in the future. But I didn't want to force myself on her too soon and rush her into a decision; she doesn't really work well in those situations."

David barked out a laugh, having known Emma nearly her whole life. "Yeah, no, Emma acts too rashly on her own as it is. She definitely doesn't need anyone to force her hand."

Killian smiled at their shared understanding of Emma but that hurt too much to dwell on. "Right, so I'm letting either Emma come to me or until it becomes impossible to not run into her. At least that's my plan as of this moment."

David nodded his head, studying Killian he finished sorting and putting away his nets. The sun had dipped to a thin band of light by now and it was time for them both to head home. Killian saw the lone lobster he had managed to catch that day and swiftly grabbed it and offered it to David. "You know how to cook a lobster, right?"

David seemed taken aback for a moment but was able to recover quickly as he took the lobster by its middle. "Of course, I've lived in Maine my whole life."

Killian smiled, genuinely this time. "Good, tell Mary Margaret I said hi and that I'm fine and that I'm not ignoring her." They stepped down to the dock and walked together back towards the road.

David smiled back but still asked, "But how are you really?"

Killian looked at the sunset, its last rays becoming embers. "I will be fine. Probably."

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 **A/N: Oh hello again!** **I didn't really mean to go on hiatus there but life tends to get in the way like that. I am back though and you can expect regular (daily-ish) updates again. I can at least promise that for this fic anyway. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Emma stood on the dock in front of the Jolly Roger, biting her lip and weighing her options. She could hear Killian whistling but he wasn't on the deck. Coming here, she had been all brash bravado but now her courage was waning and she couldn't help but think she must be a martyr. Why else did she get herself into these situations?

Killian's whistling ended but she heard his boots on the stairs and she braced herself to face him. She couldn't believe it had only been six days since he had proposed they be friends again at Granny's. That she had been avoiding him on purpose was irrelevant to Emma at that moment as Killian slowly came into view and immediately spotted her.

Emma felt herself start to blush (why was his gaze always so intense?) but decided to leap forward anyway. "Killian! Hi! I hadn't seen you in a while, and I was starting to think you had changed your mind about trying to be friends." Emma winced internally at how bad that had come out but honesty had always worked best between them. And she couldn't take her words back now and start again.

"Swan, hello. I wasn't avoiding you purposely, if that's what you're implying." His gaze was as steady as ever but his face lacked his usual charm.

"No, of course not!" That was what Emma had been doing, but it felt repetitive to bring that up now. "I just wasn't sure what to open this conversation with and since that had been the last thing we talked about…" Wrong, definitely wrong. Emma had been thinking about Killian's offer for almost a week now and she hadn't been able to hold it inside anymore.

Killian smirked, an eyebrow raised to suggest he didn't quite believe her, but thankfully he decided to move on. "So…were you seeking me out, or did you just happen to be in the area?"

"Um, a bit of both. I was in the area, and then I decided to seek you out." His mouth opened as if to ask a question, but Emma rushed on, "I'm going through permits. For the boats. At the docks. Well, really I've been wading through permits for the whole town now for weeks. I just finished the permits for the 300 block of town and now its on to the docks. I still think this is really the mayor's office job but somehow Regina was able to convince me that this was something the sheriff's office needed to do."

Emma sucked in a big breath and the flush that risen in her cheeks at the beginning of this conversation spread to her ears and neck. "Sorry, I didn't actually come over here to ramble at you."

Killian snorted disbelievingly, but asked, "So why are you here? Talking to me, exactly."

"I have to go through boat permits and fishing licenses with every owner. Take down the permit and license numbers, inspect the equipment and operations to make sure everything matches up. So I'm going to be down here at the docks a lot and well, I wanted you to know that I'm not going to ignore you."

Killian's face transformed from its passive mask into one of blatant shock. "You…aren't going to ignore me? So, you want to try being friends again then?"

Emma breathed in deeply. Her gut reaction initially had been to ignore him. It wasn't like her to run back to her ex in any capacity; once Emma Swan was done, she was done forever. But Killian had made a good argument when he pointed out how small Storybrooke was and their inevitability of continuously running across one another. If Emma truly wanted to be done with Killian she would probably have to move away (even at her most irrational she recognized that she couldn't make Killian be the one to leave town instead). But Emma had built a life here, with her friends and her son. She even had a sort of extended family in her co-parent and even without her own partner, Emma was really happy with Killian. So she decided to give a friendship with Killian a chance; she could always move away later.

Of course, everyone else thought she was completely off her rocker. Emma knew how unlikely the odds were for exes to maintain any kind of platonic relationship. But Emma and Killian had faced worse odds before and they could handle a simple friendship. Emma truly believed they could overcome any obstacle that came their way; they just had to work as a team to avoid them. Mary Margaret and Ruby had been especially explicit in voicing how much they doomed the idea. Mary Margaret's words? "You're setting yourself up to fail and worse, to end up getting even more hurt. Ruby's words? "You are a fucking idiot, Emma Swan."

Emma had just rolled her eyes and assured them that she knew what she was doing. She had been looking out for herself her whole life and she was sure she could protect herself from forming any residual feelings. Emma had already been through the ringer in every possible relationship scenario, and the break up with Killian had only just barely made the top five. She could handle anything Killian related, especially just-friends-Killian.

Of course, there was maybe a small part of Emma that wanted to prove how much their break up hadn't damaged her. If she could swiftly move from wallowing in a tub of ice cream to totally nonchalantly being friends with her ex, she would prove herself to be unbreakable. So what if Killian had broken her heart when he had cheated on her? Killian was just a casual friend now, so what? Emma couldn't care about all that drama anymore.

Now, Emma met Killian's eyes. It was amazing how much they still calmed her, and her resolve to make this new friendship work hardened.

"I'm ready to be friends."


	6. Chapter 6

Killian passed the next few days in a fog. At times, life took on a brilliant clarity, as if the sun had suddenly burst through. Killian would look around, whether out in the woods at the cabin or on the deck of the _Roger_ , and feel a deep contentness. But mostly, time passed in a haze with Killian moving from one task to the other automatically. Occasionally he would be surprised to find himself in the middle of the cove, or on the cabin's couch. Life had lost its focus, its purpose, its beauty.

Killian tried not to dwell on why this was happening. He especially did not dwell on how the darkness always seemed to be a problem lately. He certainly never thought about how the moments of sunlight had coincided with a certain blonde woman. No, no, Killian was simply in a funk. He just needed to work hard and focus on his routine.

The problem was he was a lobster fisherman and it was winter. So there wasn't really work to be done right now. He could only tidy his ships so many times before even he had to concede that that everything was in its proper place. He started doing some minor repair work to the hull but even that only required booking an appointment with Marco to come do some sanding and sealing.

It was after going to Marco's shop, that Killian was granted another moment in the sunshine. He was passing Granny's diner and coming toward him was Emma. She looked a little dazed herself and seemed to mumbling under her breath. Her hands were jammed deep in the pockets of her coat and she wasn't exactly stomping through the snowy sidewalks but it was a close thing.

Killian stopped walking and was unsure of how to proceed. Emma had told him she wanted to try being friends but what did that entail exactly? Was he supposed to just keep on walking and give her a nod as they passed? Did their level of friendship allow for a chat so Killian could ask what was bothering her? He knew he was overthinking things but Emma had always been able to send Killian into a panic about propriety.

Emma was about five feet away when she finally looked up from glaring at the sidewalk and saw Killian. His mouth was slightly open, halfway towards calling out her name in greeting. She was visibly startled to see him and Killian could see that she was unsure how to proceed too. Perhaps they should have laid some ground rules for what this post-relationship new-friendship would look like.

They were both standing on the sidewalk outside of Granny's regarding the other with uncertainty. The tension was unbearable to Killian, even after only a few seconds, and he mumbled out, "Hello, Swan."

Emma took a deep breath and briefly closed her eyes, obviously collecting herself for a moment, before she offered a small smile and said, "Hi, Killian." There was another half-beat of awkwardness before she went on, "How are you?"

"I'm…mostly good. How are you?" He took a tentative step forward, annoyed with how much space was between them. He kept his eyes on her though, trying to silently convey that he was wondering what was wrong.

"I'm fine," she said too quickly and Killian raised an eyebrow at her. She huffed and looked across the street as she folded her arms. "I just had a frustrating morning with paperwork and I'm feeling grumpy. David actually kicked me out of the station and told me that I couldn't come back until I had some onion rings." Killian flashed a grin but stopped himself from outright laughing when Emma trained her eyes back on him with a glare. "You do know I'm sheriff right?"

This time Killian couldn't hold in a laugh. "I do, but I also know you can't arrest me for agreeing with my mate about how best to get you out of a paperwork glum. Everyone knows onion rings are your happy food." Emma's face was twitching into a smile but she still rolled her eyes. She marched past him as he laughed again.

Killian kept walking too, relieved that their interaction hadn't been a disaster. He had only made it three steps though when he heard Emma calling his name. His heart lurched uncomfortably but he shoved the feeling away. He turned around to see that she was only at Granny's gate and he wondered if she had hesitated before calling back to him.

"Have you eaten lunch yet? I wouldn't mind the company if you haven't."

Killian hesitated, not sure how to respond. On the one hand, of course he wanted to have lunch with her. On the hook though, he wasn't sure if their friendship was ready for a lunch encounter. It would be a lot of talking and companionship. Was it too soon to push their friendship towards this level of familiarity? He made the mistake of making eye contact with her and he heard himself say, "I haven't eaten."

"Good." She smiled at him and turned to walk into the courtyard.

Killian cursed his lack of self-restraint but moved quickly to catch up with her. Emma opened the door and Killian moved to follow her through the doorway. Killian saw her pause for a moment to take in the seating options and focus slightly longer on what had been their normal booth. A sadness swooped down onto Killian and he let out a small sigh at the knowledge that things were irrevocably different now. Emma must have heard him and once again she was in motion, moving towards the counter. She picked a stool and sat down decidedly, offering a smile to Ruby, who of course was working.

Killian slid into the stool next to Emma and caught the look of surprise on Ruby's face before she offered him a menu and her standard greeting ("Hello, pirate" with wink). Killian only ever ordered the same thing at Granny's but he appreciated having something to hold, something to focus on rather than Emma sitting only a handful of inches away from him.

Emma gave Ruby her order (she only ever ordered the same too). Killian gave Ruby his order and reluctantly handed back his menu. Ruby left to get their drinks and they were left in an awkward void of conversation.

Killian wasn't sure what exactly was a safe topic anymore. He wanted to know how Henry was doing. He hadn't seen him since The Fallout and Killian had started sleeping at the cabin. He hadn't seen David since their talk a week ago but he wasn't sure what to ask regarding David. Ruby plunked down their drinks and Killian decided to try asking about work.

"So, you were doing paperwork?" Emma turned her head to look at him and he was relieved she took the conversational bait.

"If by doing paperwork you mean wrestling and losing to paperwork, then yes, I suppose I was." She continued on, detailing how much research on municipal codes she was having to do in order to canvas Storybrooke and get everyone's permits in order. Ruby brought their food as Emma launched into the apparently sticky particulars of boating and fishing permits. It took hard work to be able to enforce the law.

Killian probably would have been bored to tears if anyone but Emma had been explaining the differences between different commercial zoning standards. As always though, Killian could feel himself being drawn into her atmosphere. He knew he was on faulty ground but it was worth it to him to enjoy Emma's company and her company. He could dwell on his increasingly complicated feelings for this woman later.


	7. Chapter 7

"Alright then, Swan. I hope you have a better afternoon." Killian set down some bills on the counter before smiling at her and exiting the diner. Emma barely had time to realize that she should have offered her own goodbye before Ruby was hissing in her ear.

"What the hell was that about, Emma?" Ruby's eyes were blazing and immediately Emma felt like she had just been caught shoplifting. The automatic shame and defense then were identical to Emma's instincts now.

"What was what about?" Very nice, Emma thought. You definitely don't sound like a person hiding something. Emma tried to leave her money for her own bill and mimic Killian's exit but Ruby knew her too well and clamped down on her wrist.

"Oh no, you are not weaseling out of this again. We talked about this! You can't pretend to be friends with Killian. This is doomed to start and you are going to get hurt. Again!"

"When did we supposedly talk about this? The other night when you and Mary Margaret ambushed me after work? I seem to remember that I told you I was considering his offer and you two going ballistic!"

"Alright, that's a bit of an exaggeration. We just felt very strongly that rekindling contact with Killian so soon after you broke up was a terrible path to go down. Especially a break up that you initiated, I'd like to add."

"I may have started the actual conversation about our need to separate but you know it was much more complicated than that."

"I know that Killian hurt you with his actions and you responded accordingly but you aren't doing yourself any favors by choosing to be in a platonic relationship with him rather than a romantic one."

"Ruby, you know I don't agree. Killian and I were friends for so long before we started dating. We were _great_ as friends and we work best together as friends. Sure, I lost a romantic partner in the break up but I regained a friend. Is that a terrible thing?"

Ruby was giving Emma a flat look of disbelief by now. "You know that's not fair. Of course I want you to have friends but you can't be _just_ friends with an ex. Especially when the person in question has only been your ex for ten days."

Emma decided this argument was going in circles, just like it had the other night, and she wanted to leave. "Ruby, I love you and I respect you. But I think you are wrong here and I need you to support me instead of berate me. Can we talk about this later? I should get back to work." She stood up and waited for Ruby's response.

Ruby rolled her eyes, but smiled. "I love you and respect you too but we are _so_ talking about this later. Have a good afternoon and text me later."

Emma nodded and finally left the diner. The wind had picked up while she was in Granny's and it bit savagely into her exposed neck and hands. She pulled her scarf tighter and vowed to remember her gloves before she left the house in the morning. She would bet they were on the entry way table, annoyingly forgotten in a mad dash to make it out the door.

Emma was glad she had walked to the diner to help get out some of her frustrations with municipal codes but she wished there was a way she could poof back to the station to avoid this inconvenient walk back in the cold. Emma couldn't help but feel like there were a lot of inconveniences in her life right now: this uncooperative winter weather, piles of paperwork and research at her job, friends who questioned her judgement, a downgrade in her relationship status…

Emma refrained from grumbling under her breath but it took a lot of self-restraint. She had a stubborn nature and often took to head-butting her problems rather than applying reason or logic, but she genuinely felt that it wasn't a big deal that her and Killian were friends. Why couldn't Ruby see that? Better yet, why couldn't Ruby mind her own business just once?

The sheriff station was six blocks from Granny's diner but with her eyes glued to the pavement, Emma was pulling open the entrance doors before she was able to untangle her frustration. It must have showed on her face because when David saw her come in, he immediately dropped his paperwork to cross his arms and fix her with his best stern expression.

"I thought you were going to have some onion rings before you came back here."

Emma glared back at him as she hung up her coat. "I did. You can text Ruby and ask her if you don't believe me, _Dad_." She rolled her eyes as she dragged out the last word, ensuring he wouldn't miss her sarcasm. Emma clomped into her office and slammed the door behind her, fed up with her friends hovering over her well-being. She was _fine_ and they needed to _back off_.

Emma's teeth were on edge for over an hour before her research on fishing limits reached a rhythm that finally distracted her. She was lost herself in the work, combining survey data of Storybrooke's industries with Maine's laws to create a record of applicable licenses. Emma heard a knock on her glass door and she jumped. She forgot she was in her office and was surprised to see Mary Margaret on the other side.

Emma's eyes narrowed as she looked for David out in the station. He was missing and Emma glanced at the clock to see it was past five. The afternoon had disappeared and now Mary Margaret was waiting to talk to Emma with what looked like a bottle of wine in her hand.

Emma groaned loudly as she got up to let Mary Margaret in to her office. "Just so I know, was it David or Ruby who sent you?" Emma sat back down in her chair as Mary Margaret made herself at home in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

"It was actually both of them. Ruby's said, 'Emma. Relationship. 911.' and David's said something along the lines of 'Mayday! Mayday!'. You have some dramatic friends."

"Well, at least I'm not married to one of them." Mary Margaret smiled at the joke but gave Emma her best teacher-listening face. Emma knew what she was doing but couldn't help herself from spilling the details anyway. "I had lunch with Killian today." Emma crossed her arms and glared back at Mary Margaret, determined to keep her shame at bay.

"Did you plan to have lunch with Killian today?" Mary Margaret's voice was annoyingly patient.

"No! I just ran into him in front of Granny's. He asked me what was wrong and I explained how I was in pit of paperwork. It felt…nice and well, I didn't want to eat alone."

"But Ruby was going to be there. You know she happily blows off her other customers to chat with you the whole time."

"Yeah, I know that. But she shouldn't have to! I'm not a charity lunch date; I don't want to force people to socialize with me."

"That's not what's happening here, Emma. Bring it back down to the plane of reality." Mary Margaret's tone was disapproving but still totally patient. It only exasperated Emma further.

Emma exploded. "Fine! I impulsively invited Killian to lunch! I didn't mean to and rationally I know I shouldn't have done that. But I miss him. A lot." Emma gulped in a breath of air and looked back at Mary Margaret. Emma trusted Mary Margaret second-most in the world so she went on, in a slightly calmer voice.

"I miss him constantly. I still live in our house, and every second in that house is a reminder of our relationship and the fact that Killian isn't there anymore. He's moved on. I don't even know where's he's living now. Is he sleeping on his ship? I shouldn't care and I try not to but it's hard. It's really effing hard. And I broke up with him! Why do I care at all?"

"Of course its hard, and you care because your relationship mattered to you. Just because you broke up with him doesn't mean you can't miss him. You've only been broken up for a week and half. It's insane to think that you can just skip the mourning period of a break up. Missing him and missing your stable relationship is _normal_ , Emma. That's what we've been trying to tell you when we say that you can't be friends with your ex. You aren't emotionally ready for that yet."

Emma was desperately trying not to cry. The last thing she wanted right now was to add a display of physical weakness to her display of emotional weakness. She took another deep breath. "It felt like a challenge and you know I hate being told that I can't do something."

"I do know that and I can see that we were wrong to approach you like that. But to be fair, I have no control over Ruby." Emma smiled because who could control Ruby? "But, Emma, honey, you have to set up some boundaries with Killian. You can't just leap back into being buddies with him again."

"I know. I should have laid out some ground rules with Killian when I first talked to him. I could have avoided a lot of this emotionally mess."

"Yes, you could have. Remember Emma, boundaries make great friendships." Mary Margaret stood up to move around the desk and hold out her hand. "Now, we're going to get you out of here, meet Ruby at her condo (where you will be crashing tonight), and watch _Legally Blonde_ over Storybrooke's finest take-out."

Emma took Mary Margaret's hand and allowed herself to be pulled into a hug. Having best friends was so rad sometimes. Emma smiled. "You had me at _Legally Blonde_. Let's go."


	8. Chapter 8

Killian shut the cabin door behind him, cutting off the wind with a bang. He shivered and crossed the room to start the wood stove. A concentrated blast of heat kindled a few moments later. Killian let the warmth wash over him until he stopped visibly shivering. So far this December had been particularly unkind to him and its insistence on being as miserable as possible was not letting up.

He moved over to the side of the one-room cabin that served as a kitchen. Killian opened a few cupboards and checked the fridge twice before he reached an unfavorable conclusion: he had nothing to eat. He groaned out loud a little at the prospect of having to go back out in the cold but he knew the sooner he got moving the sooner he could be back. At least he hadn't taken off his coat yet. He dragged himself back over to the stove to turn it off and opened the cabin's door again to move outside. He cringed as the wind hit him once again and practically ran over to his truck. He had only been inside for maybe five minutes so the cab was still warm but he cranked the heater up anyway, conserving petrol be damned.

He started down the dirt road to head into Storybrooke and tried to decide what he wanted to do about dinner. The obvious thing was just to stop somewhere and pick a meal up; maybe even eat at Granny's. But he had eaten so many meals there recently and if he was being honest, he really didn't want to have to interact with people tonight.

It had been an uncommonly long day today. Lunch with Emma had been great yesterday, if you didn't count all the awkward bits when they realized they were in uncharted territory. Killian had practically floated through the rest of the day. He tried to get a grip on himself and put it out of his mind but he found himself replaying the whole encounter over and over again.

At first, his mind had only focused on the good things: the way she said his name, her laugh at his jokes, that she still ordered cinnamon on her hot cocoa, anything that was the same as it always had been. But his mind could only ignore the less-than-great parts for so long. By the time he was going to bed, he was obsessing over everything that was different now post-break up. She hadn't said anything about Henry, when before she had talked about him constantly. Killian wasn't allowed to touch her anymore, whether it was to brush her hair off her shoulder or kiss her forehead goodbye. Emma hadn't even let him pay for her meal as a gentlemanly courtesy.

Of course, rationally Killian understood that things were different now. Trust had been broken between them after the Neal incident and the consequential break up. It was too much to ask that things remain the same after everything that had come out but Killian unquestionably missed the easy banter they use to share, everything that made their relationship so great. And of course, he missed Emma herself more than anything.

Killian hadn't been able to sleep at all and that made today so much harder than it needed to be. Marco had come by to do those repairs on the _Jolly_ but Killian had been distracted and grumpy the entire time Marco was there. Killian genuinely liked the man and normally enjoyed working with him, but he was just in the wrong frame of mind to be around people right now. He needed to stop pining after Emma and everything that they had been together. She had wanted to move on and he needed to get on the same program.

Killian reached Storybrooke's main (one) road and decided that it would be best if he just went to the store and bought groceries. It was clear to him that he needed to be eating more of his meals at home where he could focus on getting into a better place.

He pulled into the market's car park (parking lot, he remembered, they called it here) and made his way inside. He was mentally check-listing the things he wanted to get as he grabbed a basket and stepped aside to let someone pass him on their way in. Then he saw the blonde hair and the too-familiar face. His heart stopped and he hoped that there wasn't too much surprise on his face.

"Hello, Swan."

She was reluctant to return his gaze but returned a cordial, "Hello, Killian." He offered his basket, unsure of what else to say. Obviously she was here to shop so he couldn't ask what she was doing. He had just spent time with her yesterday so he knew most of what she was up to. It was taking a lot of his self-control to not notice how normally they should have been here shopping together.

They walked into the store proper, moving automatically in the same directions. He felt her glance at him and he searched desperately for something to say. "So…what are you here to get?"

She stopped and looked at him fully now. Killian could read her expressions well enough to know that she obviously had something she wanted to talk about and was figuring out the best way to say it. He stopped walking and waited for her to start talking.

"I don't know that we should be doing this." She actually stepped back from him and Killian felt the increased distance like a knife in the side.

"We shouldn't be doing what exactly?"

"Spending time together. Casually and accidentally. We haven't laid out any ground rules for this friendship thing and I don't know, it's awkward, to be with you without knowing exactly what is considered friendly but not _too_ friendly. We haven't drawn a clear line of demarcation yet and it's confusing. For me." She was avoiding his gaze again and shuffling her feet. Killian had only seen this a handful of times, but Emma Swan was nervous.

He wasn't totally clear what she wanted yet though and he really, _really_ wanted to be clear. "You want to draw a demarcation line? To decide exactly what is considered just friendship or…" Killian struggled for the right word. "…something more?"

"Yes, I just want us to be on the same page about what's appropriate and not. I suppose we could probably figure out through trial and error but I don't think I can handle another awkward moment between us, Killian."

He breathed a sigh of relief. He had been sure she was going to say she didn't want to see him anymore and bolt. A tiny part of him said that would probably be for the best, but he ignored that part and waded in anyway. "I think that's a great idea. I really want this friendship to work out and I can see why ground rules would help." She gave him a small smile and made eye contact with him for a brief second before shifting her gaze again. "Can we maybe shop while we do this, though? It might be awkward to just stand here in the aisle and hash the details out."

She smiled at him, for real this time, and nodded her assent. "I think that's a good idea. I'm starving and I don't want to wait any longer to eat than I have to." She started moving forward again and Killian fell into step with her.

They quickly agreed that they should limit the time they spent together and always be in public. They should also exercise self-control when they were drinking, as they both agreed they weren't always entirely in control of their actions when they drank and there was no need for the possible complications that could follow from that. They debated about what level of touching was okay. They agreed that hugs were too familiar but handshakes too distant. They settled on celebratory high fives only, barring any action needed to save the other's life. They would nod in greeting, maybe offer a passing wave, but nothing more.

Killian tried to hold his emotions in check and tell himself that this was the equivalent of a business meeting, but he couldn't help noticing how easily they moved through the store together. They had been together long enough to develop a shared strategy about tackling the supermarket and now it was second nature to take that same route. Emma and he had always worked well together and this newest project was no exception-even if it was how best to interact as ex-lovers.

Neither of them needed very many items tonight and they were checking out and heading to the car park sooner than Killian wanted to admit. At least now they had a procedure for how to say goodbye.

"Good night, Swan. Celebratory high-five for hammering out the details of our new friendship?" He smirked as he said it, trying to hide how badly he wished he could hug her.

She smiled and offered her hand. He smacked it with his own lightly, before grinning and walking away. She walked to her bug and he waited in his truck until she had started to pull away. As she passed him, she raised her hand and waved. He waved back and headed in the opposite direction. His wanted so badly just to follow her home and forget about all the silly friendship rules they had just created. But he kept on driving anyway, even as his heart squeezed painfully.


	9. Chapter 9

She parked the bug across the street and leaned over to grab her wallet from the glove box. She was just grabbing a quick coffee before she went to the station and as she opened the car door, she looked up and saw Killian walk into Granny's. Emma froze, caught between continuing into the diner to get her coffee and getting back in her car to drive away before he could see her. The desperately lonely part of her wanted to march in there and spend the whole morning having breakfast with him. The xena warrior side of her demanded to run away and never make contact with him again.

Her rational (and thankfully dominating) mind knew, however, that going in to get her coffee was perfectly with the bounds of the friendship they had outlined last night. This was a public place, neither of them was seeking the other out (Emma was sure Killian hadn't seen her), and she would simply give him an acknowledging head nod, maybe chatting with him if he was sitting at the counter.

Emma took a deep breath and crossed the road, checking for oncoming cars or David ready to bust her for jaywalking. She held her head high and lengthened her stride as she approached the door. She was doing a normal thing and it didn't matter who was inside. She would just get her coffee and leave, no big deal.

She yanked open the door and let the warmth of the diner wash over her. Ruby greeted her from behind the counter and started to make a coffee while Emma tried to not too obviously scan the diner for Killian.

She needn't have bothered; as usual, he stood out in Granny's morning crowd. He was absorbed in the morning paper at the far end of the counter, a to-go cup in front of him, and he hadn't looked up when she had opened the door. Emma quickly put her back to him to talk to Ruby and hoped that he wouldn't notice her before she could leave. Emma handed Ruby her cash and made towards the door but she couldn't resist one final peek at Killian.

He was not staring at the paper anymore and had indeed spotted her. Emma immediately blushed as his intense gaze met hers. Those blue eyes and that face had always been able to mesmerize her and she couldn't stop herself from noticing him. She meekly waved her hand to wave, per their agreement and was rewarded with his full dazzling smile accompanied by a gentle wave in return. Emma kept walking out of the diner only from sheer force of will. Her blush deepened as she realized how much she wanted to throw away her self-respect and beg him to take her back. Her phone beeped as she reached her bug and there was a text from Ruby confirming what she already knew:

 _I saw what just happened and you are so in trouble._

The drive to the station was a blur and Emma practically sleep walked inside. She had taken the early shift today and luckily no one was inside to see their boss daydreaming about her ex-boyfriend. Emma had planned to spend the day down at the docks. She was overdue to actually go down and check on each boat permit and fishing license. It was unlikely that she would be able to talk with every owner today but she could at least make a start. Emma picked up the file and notebook she had prepared and bit her lip. She was making a rash decision and she recognized it was probably stupid and regrettable but she decided to do it anyway.

Emma raced back out to the bug and easily broke the speed limit in her excitement to get down to the docks. She had decided to check on Killian and the _Jolly Roger_ first and she was definitely breaking several of their newly established ground rules as well as ignoring her gut instinct. She parked in the pier's parking lot and tried to control her breathing before setting out to the dock. Emma couldn't quite decipher if she was excited or anxious to throw her better judgment to the wind and barrel into this interaction rashly; it was probably a mixture of both.

The _Jolly_ was easy to spot. It was the largest ship in Storybrooke's dock but was really only considered a medium size vessel in the larger scheme of things. Emma strode confidently towards the ship and was about fifty feet away when she noticed Killian was standing on the edge of his deck near the railing. Emma raised her arm and was ready to get his attention when she noticed he was talking to someone standing down on the dock. It was another second before Emma realized that the person he was talking to was Milah.

Emma stumbled and her vision went black. If she turned around right now and stayed calm, she could walk away without being seen. Emma blinked rapidly and turned around towards her bug. She managed not to run but she couldn't stop the tears from cascading down her face. She jammed her keys into the ignition and pulled away from the dock and the water and Killian as quickly as she could. She was crying too much to see or drive properly but her only clear thought was, _It was happening again_.

Emma drove straight home and ran inside before collapsing on the threshold. Her mind kept replaying the similarities in what she had just witnessed and the scene she had witnessed that led to the break up. _Killian and Milah, at the Jolly. Killian's brilliant blue eyes focused on Milah and nothing else. Killian, stepping forward to touch Milah's arm, to bring her closer, to hold her tight. Killian and Milah, together._

Emma's sobs didn't slow as she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket but couldn't care less about it right now. Her tears continued thick and fast as her mind fixated. _Killian and Milah, together. Killian and Milah, together. Killian and Milah, together._ Distantly she heard a door open and her name being called. _Killian and Milah together. Killian and Milah together. Killian and Milah together._ Someone touched Emma's arm and she lifted her head off her knees to see Ruby kneeling with David standing behind her. _Killian and Milah together Killian and Milah together Killian and Milah together._ Ruby pulled Emma into a hug and whispered her name soothingly into her ear, over and over again. David was on the phone, speaking in hushed tones and throwing worried glances her way. _Killian and Milah, together._


	10. Chapter 10

It was raining today, instead of snowing, and Killian took that as a good omen. Sure, it was still freezing like hell outside, but Killian was in a good mood so he was willing to overlook it.

Yesterday had started out fantastic by running into Emma at Granny's. He had genuinely been surprised to look up from his paper and see her there. She had only smiled and waved at him per their new friendship rules, but he was sure there had been something more than friendship in the blush staining her cheeks. Emma _never_ blushed, and Killian had loved trying to make her blush while they were dating. Emma was a difficult lass to read, but Killian couldn't help hoping for more. It hadn't been his idea to break up, after all.

Killian decided to spend the morning below deck to avoid the downpour. He was endeavoring to run through the expense reports for his lobstering business from the past year but his mind kept wandering. He expected Emma to start canvasing the docks as part of her permit project any day now and he kept jumping up from the galley's table to run up to the deck, sure that he had just heard footsteps. Killian liked to think that he was suave and sophisticated but often he acted more like a newly enamored teenager.

After two hours of not accomplishing anything, he gave up staring at expense lines and started pacing around the ship's cabin. He replayed yesterday's encounter at Granny's over and over again in his head. Then his mind jumped to all their other encounters since the break up. Never had Emma openly rebuffed him when they had happened across each other. Certainly, there had been some awkward moments and abrupt exits. Killian would be lying to himself if he said he often didn't leave Emma presence these days with both a deep need to never leave her side and to run far, far away.

Killian marched up the stairs and moved across the deck of the _Jolly_ to stand at the rail. The freezing rain didn't clarify his thoughts so much as sort out his priorities. He decided to go after Emma.

He ducked below deck quickly to grab his keys and jogged over to his car. Killian knew that Emma liked to spend the morning at the station catching up on paperwork so he headed there. Her bug was in the station's parking lot which was encouraging but so was David's pickup; Killian would have liked to find Emma on her own but he hoped David would be willing to give them some space and go out on patrol or something.

Killian climbed out of his truck and back out into the freezing rain. His stomach was in knots and his heart kept squeezing uncomfortably. He stepped into the lobby of the station and ran a hand through his hair. This was his last chance to walk away but he took a deep breath and walked into the station's main room anyway. The first thing Killian saw was David, reading something in a file with his feet up on his desk. Killian saw Emma sitting in her office but she was on the phone with her back to him. David saw Killian and jumped to his face, a frown pulling at his mouth.

David glanced over at Emma and Killian saw the worry in his eyes. "What are you doing here?" David hissed, obviously trying to be quiet.

Killian's uncertainties about seeking Emma out amplified but he kept his voice calm. "I needed to talk with Emma. I have some questions for her."

"She's busy right now and quite frankly, Killian, now isn't the best time."

Killian's eyebrows knitted together in worry. "Why isn't now a good time?"

"Emma just has a lot on her plate right now and I don't think it will help her to have you here."

"I promise, I'll be quick. It can't wait."

"What can't wait?" David turned around to reveal Emma standing in her doorway, her hand on her hips. Per usual, actually faced with Emma, Killian was momentarily speechless.

David took advantage of Killian's hesitation and jumped in, "Killian just had a question about a permit issue. I told him you were busy." Emma exchanged a look with David that Killian couldn't quite decipher. It most resembled the ones they used to share when they used to come to a silent agreement.

Emma finally looked at Killian. "David is right, I am busy. Too busy to continue on with the permit project, so David will be taking over. You should direct any questions you have to him. Good day." Emma gave Killian a slight nod of her head and then turned around and went back into her office, closing the door behind her. Before Killian could protest, David had grabbed his arm and dragged him back into the lobby.

"Dave, what the hell is going on?" Killian pulled his arm free and glared at David.

David winced but didn't back down. "I told you, now wasn't the best time."

Killian was trying really hard to get angry but his frustration was peaking. "What is going on, Dave? What's happened that you're dragging me away from Emma?"

David glanced back in the direction of Emma's office and seemed to come to some kind of decision. He crossed his arms and his professional mask slipped into place. This was Deputy Sheriff Nolan now, not his mate Dave. "Emma can't see you anymore. She thought she could be friends with you, but she was recently reminded of why that will never work. She needs some distance and you will respect that."

Killian was sharply reminded that David had known Emma practically her whole life and would protect her from anything, even a mate if he needed to. David was waiting for Killian's assent, so he nodded. David gave him an appraising look before walking away, leaving Killian to walk back out into the rain.

He trudged through the parking lot and wrenched open the driver's door. He glanced back towards the entrance and contemplated storming back in and demanding Emma's attention. But David had been so serious and concerned for her and Killian had to respect that and respect her. If distance was what she wanted, he would oblige, of course.

Killian pulled out of the parking lot and headed back towards the marina. The rain was coming down harder now so he had to concentrate on the road. Distantly however, he was replaying his parting conversation with David. What had recently reminded Emma that they shouldn't be together? The docks were in view now and Killian was able to spot the _Jolly's_ mast. As Killian parked the car, he realized what must have happened. His stomach lurched painfully and his head spun.

Milah had come by the _Jolly_ yesterday looking for him. It was just after his run in with Emma and while they only exchanged a short conversation. Emma must have been down here checking on permits and saw him talking to Milah. Which of course, had happened before and caused Emma to leap into the waiting arms of that bastard, _Neal_.

Killian's fist slammed into the steering wheel, the unexpected horn scaring some nearby seagulls into flight. _Of course_ , this was happening again. _Of course_ , Emma was still jumping to conclusions. She hadn't trusted him then, so why would she trust him now? Killian could practically see her shoring up her emotional walls and making them strong and impregnable again. He gazed out at the sea, the rain becoming more fierce and transforming into an ice storm by the minute.

Killian was stupid to think that things had changed between them. Nothing was different from when they broke up. Emma was still insecure and unable to trust him and Killian was still angry and hopeless. _Of course_ , Killian didn't stand a chance at getting Emma back. _Of course_ , she didn't want to be with him. _Of course_ , it was starting to snow.


	11. Chapter 11

There was a knock at the door and Emma ignored it. She was currently very engaged in learning about the special features of the new blender being featured on TV right now. It has three speed settings with six interchangeable blades. There was another knock and Emma turned up the volume to hear how quickly the blender could pulverize a banana. The front door opened and Emma groaned and burrowed further into the couch; she forgot her friends had spare keys to the house.

Emma hid her face behind a throw pillow as she heard footsteps approach the living room. Another weight settled down on the couch and Emma peeked out to see Mary Margaret peering over at her.

"Hi?"

"Ughhhh." Emma ducked back behind the throw pillow. "I'm hiding. Please go away."

"I would, but I came to check on you, so not gonna happen, sorry."

Emma groaned one more time in protest but sat up on the couch anyway. "What?" She realized she was whining and tried again in a more adult way. "I mean, how are you?"

Mary Margaret smiled indulgently and Emma cringed. "I'm fine, but I'm here to see how you are."

Emma crossed her arms. "I'm great. Everything is great. Why are you asking?"

Mary Margaret's eyebrows lifted in disbelief. "Maybe because you aren't great? Because you had an emotional breakdown the other day that left us all extremely worried about you?"

Emma stood up and started gathering some of her dirty dishes that had accumulated on the coffee table. "Look, I know that didn't look great but it was one moment of weakness. And now I'm moving past it and I'm great." Emma moved away from the couch and headed toward the kitchen, hoping Mary Margaret would drop the subject.

She followed her into the kitchen instead, more dirty dishes in her hands. "I'm glad you're trying to move past it and _him_ but you don't have to do it by yourself." She took the dishes from Emma and started loading the dishwasher. "However, I can't help you, if you refuse to talk to me or avoid me completely." She stopped to glare pointedly at Emma for a moment before moving around the kitchen to collect more of Emma's dirty dishes. "Talk to me, Emma."

Emma crossed her arms as she watched her friend flawlessly transform the kitchen from something resembling a pig sty to a slightly more respectable pig sty. Mary Margaret had started the dishwasher and was sudsing up some pots and pans when Emma realized that she had no choice but to talk to Mary Margaret; she would stay and continue cleaning until she was satisfied.

"Fine, I'm having a hard time with my break up from Killian." Mary Margaret looked over her shoulder at Emma, flashing her a smile of triumph, but wisely knew not to push her luck by responding. "I didn't actually want to break up with Killian. But he hurt me and I felt betrayed when I caught him with Milah. We probably could have moved past it if we had been able to talk to each other. But after he caught me with Neal, neither of us was feeling very trusting or open to a discussion of our feelings. Killian and I have always been alike in that way."

Mary Margaret rinsed off some of the dishes and dried her hands. She pivoted to face Emma and leaned back against the counter. Emma sat at the island on one of the bar stools before continuing. "The night we broke up, I got scared about him breaking up with me. He had every right to and I started overanalyzing everything. I decided to break up with him before he could break up with me. I thought beating him to the punch would make me feel better, like I was in control of _something_ and could do _something_ right. He couldn't hurt me if I hurt him first."

She offered Mary Margaret a wan smile. "But then he wanted to be friends and I didn't want to actually be broken up from him, despite all the residual feelings of betrayal and distrust. Every time I saw him it brought up how much I missed him and hated him at the same time. It was confusing; it _is_ confusing." She clasped her hands together and stared at him. "I thought maybe things were changing. After we established the ground rules for a friendship, there was suddenly nothing confusing for me to puzzle and worry over anymore. I had thought maybe he wanted to get back together."

Emma voice was barely a whisper but she could tell Mary Margaret was hanging on to every word. "I went looking for him the other day. And I found him. Talking to _her_. It wasn't even anything super incriminating this time, but it was impossible to stop all of the shameful feelings from bubbling back up again. I straight up panicked and that was my moment of weakness." Emma looked up and held Mary Margaret's gaze. "I get now why you were so concerned for me before and I understand now that I can't be friends with Killian. I know that I should avoid all contact with him because it's too painful to be around him right now. It might always be like that."

Emma took a few deep breaths and then said, "Okay, I know you want to hug me, so go ahead." Mary Margaret dashed across the kitchen and hugged Emma fiercely. She hung on tightly for a count of ten-seconds before pulling away. "I know that I will probably thank you for haranguing me into this later, but I feel awful."

Mary Margaret laughed. "I know sweetie, and I'll go ahead tell you you're welcome now so it's less painful for you later." Emma laughed and Mary Margaret tugged her back into the living room and onto the couch. "Okay, now tell me everything that's great about this blender."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Last chapter! An extra long one, though, to compensate. :)**

* * *

Killian was swabbing the deck as the afternoon sun gradually sank in the sky. There really was no point to it as the ship had never been cleaner. Having so much free time meant that Killian spent all of his time on the _Jolly_ and if he didn't keep his hands busy with some task or another his thoughts strayed to Emma. So he was swabbing the deck, the radio softly playing in the background.

The weather had been relatively mild all day but there had been some dark clouds hovering on the horizon. The Maine wind had started to work itself into a frenzy, bringing those thunderclouds closer until they were right over head. Killian had just finished packing away his cleaning supplies when the skies opened and the downpour began.

He was heading towards his truck when he heard sirens, and soon after the sheriff's vehicle whipped into the parking lot. David and Emma bolted out of the vehicle and started jogging down the dock, calling out instructions to each other.

"You start the rescue boat and get on the radio with the harbormaster in Portland," Emma was saying at they came upon Killian. David saluted her and nodded at Killian before sprinting to the end of the dock.

"Swan, what's going on?" Killian's concern made him forget his commitment to stay away from her.

Emma was pulling out her phone. "One of those tourist cruises from Portland capsized nearby and we got a rescue call. The problem is Storybrooke's search and rescue boat is more suited for rescuing a single fishing boat, not a seventy-person cruise. I'm putting in a call to Portland's police to let them know we'll do what we can, but that our resources are limited." She started scrolling through her contacts before raising the phone to her ear.

"Emma, wait. I can go out with you. The _Jolly_ can easily accommodate seventy people."

Someone on the other line had started talking but Emma was focused on Killian. "You would do that? It's not good sailing weather out there. I don't even know why a tourist cruise would be out on the water with this weather."

Killian offered a half smile. "Swan, we both know I'm the best sea captain you know. I can handle it." He beckoned to her to follow him back down the dock.

She followed him toward the _Jolly_ but continued past it at a jog. "I have to let David know we're going out there too. I'll be back in just a second."

Killian nodded and started to make way to sail. He raised the sails and unmoored the lines. Emma was back just as he was ready to pull away from the dock. He directed her over to the helm of the ship while he continued to bustle around the ship, adjusting the sails and occasionally calling back instructions to Emma. Soon, though, they were out in the cove proper and for such a large ship, they had made good time.

"So where is this capsized cruise waiting for us, anyway?" Killian finally asked Emma.

"We're going to follow David out but it's about fifteen miles south of our cove. The tourist guides were able to activate the ship's homing signal so we should be able to find them fairly easily."

Killian nodded but didn't have time to keep chatting. The seas were rough today and he had to focus his attentions on making sure _they_ didn't capsize too; that would make for a fairly poor rescue mission, after all. He soon took over at the helm and sent Emma belowdeck to put on a lifejacket and see what other rescue gear he had on board. Killian was not jealous of David in his little speed craft. The rescue boat was probably easier to maneuver but it was also being tossed around a lot as one huge wave crested after the other.

Emma returned from belowdeck with a string of lifejackets which she secured to the main mast. She made another trip and brought up three life preservers and a utility lantern. She tied each life preserver to a separate rope. Killian glared at her the best he could while focusing on keeping them afloat, but she seemed to get the message anyway and finally put on a lifejacket. The last thing he needed was worrying about her drowning too.

David's vessel was equipped with a floodlight which had been on its lowest setting, making it easier for Killian to keep track of him. Suddenly the light flared bright white and Killian locked the wheel in place and hurried to pull the sails in. Emma was signaling to David with her lantern and then Killian saw the capsized boat and the civilians scattered around it.

While he was in the Navy, Killian had often conducted rescue missions but it was highly irregular to conduct one from a sailboat. Him and Swan managed though, working together seamlessly to pull people out of the water and send them belowdeck to get out of the storm. So far, no one was hurt too badly; just lots of cases of water inhalation and developing hypothermia. David had manned the floodlight and communicated with the ship's captain to make sure they had retrieved everyone.

After Emma had double-checked the headcount, they set sail again, racing back to Storybrooke's shores. The _Jolly_ was carrying a lot more weight now and Killian had to compensate the sails to get them moving again at top speed. Emma was busy distributing blankets and first aid belowdeck. Luckily, everyone had fit down there, but each time a larger wave crested over the sides of his ship, Killian cringed with worry.

As they entered the cove, Killian saw that there are ambulances waiting with their sirens ablaze. He assumed that was something Swan had taken care of before they left and he was glad she was in charge; she always thought of everything. They pulled astride the dock and were immediately bombarded by a medical team. Those needing the most medical attention were loaded into the first wave of ambulances. David had climbed aboard at some point and was also moving amongst the rescued.

Emma had stepped back up near the helm to take a call and Killian could tell from her tone that it was someone from Portland. He lingered nearby, intently adjusting a mooring line, definitely not trying to eavesdrop. Emma hung up too soon though and noticed him dawdling.

"Not enough to do, Captain? There aren't enough medals of honor to collect to distract from eavesdropping on me?" She smiled as she said it, and Killian climbed the steps to where she was standing.

"Dave is more than capable of handling the few remaining persons on board. I was just tidying up my ship." He sniffed and looked away, unable to hide the smirk pulling at his lips. "Do you really think I might get a medal of honor, though? I think it might look dashing on my chest." Relief at having saved everyone was giving him false bravado.

Emma laughed, as she always had at his antics. "I can probably finagle you one, if you'd like. That was Portland's rescue team on the phone, telling me they had found the boat and were working to pull it ashore. They were impressed we managed to bring everyone to safety." She looked straight at Killian now. "Thank you, for your help. The med response team thinks everyone will be fine because we were able to act so quickly. I owe you."

Killian returned her gaze but continued in his playful tone. "No thanks necessary. I've always told you, Swan, the _Jolly Roger_ is really big. I'm glad I got to prove it to you."

Emma laughed, a smile covering her face while she rolled her eyes. "Yes, you have always said that, Killian, but it was _always_ an innuendo. It was never a recommendation for your ship's actual capacity." Emma's gaze shifted to someone behind him and she waved. "Look, I should probably follow this last group into the hospital. I need to check on everyone we rescued."

Killian nodded and moved aside to see David waiting on the deck for Emma. She touched his arm before leaving the ship. "Seriously though, Killian, thank you."

"You're welcome, Emma. Anytime." _Every time_ , he added silently. She smiled at him before disembarking and catching up with David. They climbed into their patrol car and then Killian was alone again.

~k+e~k+e~k+e~

"Okay, Emma. I'm heading out. I'll finish the rest of my report in the morning." David tugged on his jacket and gathered up his keys. "Promise me you'll leave soon too?"

Emma looked up from a stack of paperwork that was making her eyes blur to nod vaguely at David. "Sure, I'm just going to clean up a bit and then I'll head out too. Good night." David nodded and then headed out the door. As it shut behind him, Emma stretched and popped her neck. After everyone had gotten settled at either the hospital and Granny's, she and David had to come back to the station to fill out their reports and check in with the Portland office. It was a terrible way to end an already long night but she decided it was time to head home too.

She cleaned up a few files before shrugging on her coat and heading out to the parking lot. The rain was still pouring down, making the air very brisk. Emma was really glad they had been able to rescue everyone and that all of them would make a quick recovery. She can't imagine how terrible she would feel now if things had gone poorly on the rescue mission.

Which it easily could have, she realized as she climbed in the bug and started the engine, if not for Killian. His help had made the difference and she was definitely really grateful for it but she also found herself wishing he hadn't been so conveniently on hand at the docks. Her feelings surrounding him were complicated enough without the added aura of heroism. She couldn't deny to herself that she wished things with him weren't so complicated though.

She turned onto her street and pulled into her driveway. The bug was just beginning to pump out heat and Emma took a deep breath before plunging back out into the rain and making a break for the porch. She was running up the steps with her head down when she tripped over something. No, _someone_ , Emma realized as her eyes adjusted to the gloom. She shrieked and scrambled to pull out her gun.

"Swan! It's me! Sorry, I hadn't meant to startle you!" His arms were in the air but he hadn't bothered standing up.

"Killian! What the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?" Emma's heart was still hammering but she returned her gun to her holster.

Killian relaxed his arms when the gun disappeared but she could tell he was upset. He slouched again and reached up to scratch behind his ear with his hand. "I…I thought you were already inside. I didn't realize you would still be out so late."

Emma was confused. "So you're just sitting on the steps out here in the rain because…" She was sopping wet now but couldn't be less interested in moving inside out of the storm.

Killian took a deep breath and clasped his hands together, dangling them between his legs. His voice was soft as he said, "I missed you. I got back to the cabin and realized there was no where else I wanted to be than here. So I drove here and got out and had made it up the steps before I realized I shouldn't be here. But by then, I really didn't want to turn around and leave so I kind of just…sat down. I suppose I was waiting for the motivation to leave when you showed up."

Emma was dumbfounded by this confession. She literally felt floored and decided to sit down before she was completely overwhelmed. "I thought you were back together with Milah. I saw you talking to her the other day and after everything that had happened and then the break up, I kind of freaked out. Had an emotional meltdown, actually." Killian twisted his head to look at her and Emma cringed away from him. "I know, it's pretty pathetic."

Killian snorted. "That is not pathetic. Me drinking myself into a stupor to avoid thinking about you after our break up is pathetic."

"I guess I assumed after my… _incident_ with Neal, that you would get back together with Milah. But actually seeing evidence of it, kind of shattered me."

Killian was still looking at her, twisting awkwardly on the top step to do it. "Emma. I told you before, I _never_ will be interested in Milah again like that. I wish you would trust me on that."

"I want to trust you. I do trust you. I just have a jealous monster that lives in my chest and when I saw you comforting her the first time, it reared it's ugly head."

"I get that, Emma, I do. My jealousy monster definitely reared it's ugly head when I found you and, _him_. I was definitely really angry in that moment because I didn't understand what was going on. But, Swan, I am never going to pick someone over you. Ever."

Emma looked up to into his eyes. "I want to believe that, I really do. I guess I just didn't believe that I deserved to have you pick me after I hurt you by seeking Neal out."

"I definitely would really rather not ever experience that again, but Emma I forgave you. And I _still_ forgive you. I get why you acted the way you did and I hope you understand why I was comforting Milah. But that stuff doesn't really matter. We have to trust each other first. We have to trust that's there's an explanation, that there's a good reason, that we will always choose the other." Killian gaze was steady as he settled his hand over hers. "I trust you, Emma. Do you trust me?"

Emma returned his gaze with her own. His eyes were earnest and more steady than she had expected. She knew that he did trust her, to never hurt him again, to always come back to him. She wasn't convinced that she deserved that trust but she decided she was ready to earn it. Because she was sure she trusted him and she never wanted to give him up again.

She stood up and pulled him with her. "Let's go inside. It's late and it's cold. And I've missed you too."

He smiled, a real full smile, and kissed her devotedly, before following her out of the cold rain and into their warm home.

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 **A/N: The end! I really enjoyed this fic and had a great time researching sailing terms and then leaping away from them into the realm of fiction. Thank you so much for all the follows and favorites, and especially your reviews! They kept me on track and were very motivating. :) This is my longest fic yet and I'm really happy with how it turned out. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.**

 **I'm working on a longer fic that I hope to start publishing soon (teaser: Sheriff Emma goes to Nottingham) but in the mean time I am working on Valentine's Day fics over on tumblr ( inanyrealm). I hope you check both of those things out because its good for my ego, but thank you again for following along to this story! - M**


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